The turtle neck and dropping out of University.

I dropped out of University.

That is the easy way of saying it and the brief story of what happened, but to make a short story long, this post is a few pennies for my thoughts about it. career-chris-mccandless-desert-emile-into-the-wild-invention-favim-com-107046


To wander down the road of metaphors – to me, university has been very much like trying to fit into a really tight turtle neck.

Sure, it is a shirt that would be great to have in your closet, but no matter how you try to squeeze through it, it just does not feel right. It doesn’t fit right, it is not the right size, but everyone else looks freakin fly in their turtle necks so you think you should have one too.

Okay, taking that turtle neck thing a bit too far now are we?

Metaphors aside, what I want in my life is to be happy. University was not making me happy.

It is a fairly simple equation, when you look at it like that, right? If something is making you unhappy, you should remove that factor from your life.

But it has not been a very straight forward decision. Particularly coming from a background of being an A student, part of my identity has always been “eager to learn”, I have always loved school in that sense. And it is not that I have not enjoyed my subjects – they have all been great, but yet I struggle to find purpose with it – and I cannot help but to think that this is not my true calling in this life time.

I think I have known for a very long time what I needed to do, which decision that felt right. The thought of another four years of chasing deadline after deadline, being committed to only one place – it gives me the creeps. Still, dropping out is not an easy decision. You kind of wish someone would just make the decision for you “do this, don’t do that” and thus, you can blame if all goes to shite.

I guess going from working 60+hrs a week straight into moving to a new town and starting studies was not the ideal prerequisites for a successful start to uni life. What it came down to is when I finally had time to breath, as the second terms reading week started, I cried inconsolably and uncontrollably for 10 days straight – before I decided to fly back home to Sweden.

Now, in the after maths, I feel very content with my decision to leave. Perhaps I will resume my studies at a later stage, bur for right now I have no aspiration to do so. I started to work in a coffee shop again, and so far, I am really enjoying myself and how I do my hours and then get so spend my spare time not drowning in anxiety and assignments. Right now I am all Christopher McCandless.

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10 thoughts on “The turtle neck and dropping out of University.

  1. För mig var det tvärtom – grundskolan var den där tighta obekväma tröjan som alla andra såg så jäkla snygga ut i – när jag kom till universitetet var det som att bli befriad, utsläppt, fri… Lycka till, du verkar både klok och driftig så det kommer säkert att bli bra, vad du än gör!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jag pratade faktiskt med min psykolog om just det där, att de som liksom vart proffs på att “tänka utanför boxen” försummats i grundskolan, (där det ju är ganska inrutade tillvägagångssätt, vilket egentligen är så himlarns dumt då en borde embrace:a barnens olikheter), medan det istället är det beteendet som eftersträvas när en väl kommer upp på högskolenivå. Det var rätt spännande att tänka på.

      Tusen tack för att du tog dig tid att skriva, din kommentar värmde verkligen! Jag känner mig absolut optimistisk inför framtiden! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I always believe in making the best choice for yourself. Your happiness is important and if leaving university is what you want, by all means you go girl! College is becoming so overrated to be honest. You spend so much money for a degree and end up having a career you love in something completely different. That’s kind of what I’m going through right now haha. much love xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Det har du absolut rätt i, det är viktigare att en mår bra än att det en gör ser bra ut “på pappret” eller att en ska göra saker i en viss ordning etc.. Ett klipp jag verkligen gillar är när Baz Luhrmann gör en monolog på soundtracket till hans version av Romeo + Juliet från -96, där han säger ungefär “don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t” och en massa andra göttiga universal truths citat.

      Okej nu blev denna kommentar plötsligt en wall of text, men tack för att du tog dig tiden att dela med dig av dina tankar! xxx

      Like

  3. Pingback: Top 12 of 2016 | Most Popular Posts Month by Month. | (Chick)peas and understanding.

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